Jerry Springer
by Raphaella
Summary: Turtles sort out or try to their problems by going on the Jerry Springer show. I ain't no good at summarys, lets hope im better at stories! Finished.
1. Jerry Springer

**Jerry Springer!**  
  
**AN: **This was an idea me and a friend thought of while we were thinking of more bloopers. As much as I'd _love_ to, I don't get to watch Jerry Springer, so I have no idea of the things he says, if its wrong, then sorry  
  
_(Audience claps)_  
  
Jerry Springer: Hey folks and welcome to tonight's show. We have with us this time the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who really need to discuss family problems, _(Turns to the Turtles, who are sat in big, comfy chairs)_ Okay guys, why are you here? What is your problem?  
  
Leo: Well, ya see, we all can't seem to get on with one another, which causes problems for our Master and ourselves. I mean, the biggest problem would be Raph's attitude and temper and the fact that he always has to argue with me; it gets on everyone's ---  
  
Raph: Wait one friggin' minute! I don't ALWAYS argue with you! And ain't it your constant naggin' which causes my temper which causes the problem which annoys Master who causes us to settle down, which annoys me and causes me to argue even more, which annoys Don and Mikey, who called this friggin' show, which put us on the TV, which causes me to argue with you which causes our problems?  
  
_(Silence then --)_  
  
Leo: I don't nag!  
  
Raph: Yeah, you do  
  
Leo: No I don't!  
  
Raph: YES you do,  
  
Leo: NO I DON'T!  
  
Raph: YEAH YOU FRIGGIN' WELL DO!  
  
_(While the argument took place, Jerry, Donnie and Mikey and the audience watched in silence. Donnie and Mikey sigh and turn to the camera, the volume of Leo and Raph's argument was turned down mechanically, so that it was only background sound as focus turned to Donnie)_  
  
Don: Now this is one of our problems. They can't help but shout and fight each other which drives the rest of us crazy, which is the reason we called this show, which seems to have caused ---  
  
Mikey: _(glancing at Donnie)_ Yeah dude. I mean, no matter how much we try, and no matter how much they tear each other up, they won't stop until they're run out of insults or until they're both unconscious.  
  
Jerry: Wow. Looks like we might see an example right now, Mike.  
  
_(Mikey, along with Donnie, turns to see Leo and Raph trying to rip each other's throats out. Guards were called on and pulled the two Turtles apart. Three guards to each Turtles, but one guard got a solid kick from Raph in the groin, making the audience's eyes water; he limped off. A few seconds later two other guards came on with heavy, strong chains. In seconds Leo and Raph were chained to their chairs.)_  
  
Leo and Raph: Grrr! _(Staring daggers at each other)._  
  
Jerry: Um. So guys, what was all that about? Just a little argument or was that serious?  
  
Don: Nah. If that was serious we'd all be dead or bruised or beaten or bleeding or ---  
  
Mikey: _(throwing Donnie another glance_) If they had brought their weapons and were using them, THEN it would be serious. That was just a typical scrap.  
  
Leo: (looking away from Raph) I don't scrap! I'd never! Master taught me not to and I don't.  
  
Mikey: Yeah, right dude, whatever.  
  
Leo: I Don't! I just . . . See to it that Raph learns not to do it again, whatever he's done.  
  
Raph: Yeah right, Leo. Admit it, you've got a rage just like me.  
  
Leo: NNOOOOOooo! I haven't! I am NOTHING like you!  
  
Jerry: Yes. It would be a disaster if there were another Raphael . . .  
  
Raph: _(very sweet like, to Jerry)_ Hey, Jer, Think you could lemme outta these chains, I'm cool now and besides, they're tight.  
  
Jerry: _(fortunately was smart)_ No. I don't think so.  
  
Raph: GGrrr! Damn!  
  
Jerry: So, guys. How do you think you could solve these problems?  
  
Raph: _(through gritted teeth_) Lemme smash his face in and I'll be your little angel from now on!  
  
_(Jerry turned around, blocking whatever actions or gesture he did towards Raph with his hand. Raph fumed and started struggling against the chains. Jerry turned back to the camera and audience with a satisfied smile)._  
  
Raph: Lemme attim! I'll kill 'im! You motha ---  
  
Leo: Raph!  
  
_(Guards came back on carrying what looked like an electro prod. They zapped Raph. Unfortunately this didn't have the effect they thought and Raph broke through the chains and charged at the guards, who ran away screaming unpleasant things)._  
  
Mikey: Hey can he do that?  
  
_(Everyone turned to look at Jerry, for an answer for Mikey, and found Jerry busy putting on amour and a helmets, while equip with tranquilliser gun and his own electro prodder. He turned)._  
  
Jerry: What? Oh, um, no. He can't. So if you'll just ask your brother to, you know, stop charging . . . _(he looked off set to where Raph was tormenting guards, the sight was not pretty_) He can put my men down now, yes, tell him that --- Oh dear Lord! Geeze! Whadda mess! Oh, whadda mess! _(Without looking at the sight, he made motions to the other three Turtles)_ Could you tell him to just stop that!  
  
Mikey: Raph! Get your ass in this chair now! _(Standing up and pointing to the chair that had fallen over when Raph charged)_  
  
_(Raph came on set, looking disappointed, with what looked like a plastic ripped-off arm, but don't be fooled by the realistic blood/red paint/tomato sauce. This was no prop. He threw away the arm and sat, reluctantly, into the chair, after he turned it the right side up)_  
  
Mikey: Good. Now stay! Staaaayyy. _(Baby cooy voice)  
_  
Jerry: Whoa. _(Walking as far as he dared to the Turtles)_ Erm, yes. Now, lets get back to this after the commercials folks.  
  
**AN**: Yeah, yeah, it was silly but I needed something to cheer me up. Even though I'm cheered. Shrugs . Another part to come and hopefully I'll have it done soon.


	2. A Deal Is Sealed

**Jerry Springer!**  
  
Jerry: Hi, welcome back to the show. Lets get back to our topic of tonight. (_He turns from the camera to the turtles)_. So, lets forget where we left off from, as that may cause more problems am I'm as sure as hell you don't want any more. So . . . Guys, you were telling us about your _(motions to Raph and Leo)_ problems.  
  
Leo: Hey you saw what our problems were...  
  
_(Raph nods agreeing)_  
  
Leo: Our problems cause other people problems. Like Master Splinter, and April!  
  
_(Raph nods again)_  
  
Mikey: Well, sure we all get along with April, just that these two knuckleheads practically scare her when they fight!  
  
Jerry: Well let's see what April has to say, come on out!  
  
_(The audience clapped their hands as April walked onto the stage and took a seat next to Leo)_.  
  
Jerry: Now April how does their problems affect you?  
  
April: They don't affect me, Jerry, Raph and Leo fight all the time, it's never bothered me why should it?  
  
_(Whispers can be heard from the audience and Leo turns to April, chains wrapped around him, he looks her in the eye)._  
  
Leo: I'm really sorry, April, we both are.  
  
_(Raph's nods and more whispers and some 'aww's' come from the audience - April takes Leo hand from his lap and gives it a squeeze)._  
  
April: It's Ok Leo, I'm Ok with it, honest. After all, you guy're just kids.

Leo and Raph: (_both nodding and smiling, and then a sudden change of expression_) What?!  
  
Jerry: Er, yeah, now that you have calmed down, will you stay put if we take the chains off?  
  
_(Leo and Raph both look at each other then back to Jerry, they both nod slightly at him - Jerry signals for Steve - fave body guard loved on Jerry Springer - to unlock the chains)._  
  
Jerry: Right guys, anything else you would like to discuss?  
  
Mikey: I have something!  
  
Jerry: Yes, Mikey?  
  
Mikey: I'm starving dude! Where's the cafeteria man?!  
  
Jerry: Um, we don't have a cafeteria.  
  
(_Mikey stands up and steps forward, Steve stands in front of him - Mikey looks over Steve's shoulder to Jerry)._  
  
Mikey: What?!! You have all the money in the world for a talk show but you don't have a cafeteria?!! Are you mad dude?!  
  
(_All three brothers are nodding in agreement)._  
  
Jerry: Is this one of your problems? That Mikey can't get over his love for pizza?  
  
Mikey: What?! Me?! Problem?! Get real dude!  
  
_(Leo sighs)._  
  
Leo: Yep, I'm afraid it's true.  
  
(_Mikey looks over at Leo)._  
  
Mikey: What? Leo, what are you on about man? You love pizza aswell!  
  
Jerry: Ok guys, tell ya what we're gonna do. We're gonna make you a deal.  
  
Donnie: (_suspiciously)_ Oh?  
  
Jerry: If Raph and Leo can go without arguing for 3 days and Mikey can go without eating pizza - no fighting at all! - We'll give you a life supply of pizza and two knuckleheads - as Mikey described them - will get free punch bags, this will help not to take your anger out on each other.  
  
Donnie: I get to make sure they keep to their side of the deal?  
  
Jerry: Since you're problemless we thought this was wise.  
  
_(Donnie grins and sits back in his chair satisfied).  
_  
Donnie: Ok sure, they'll do that, (he nods)  
  
Raph, Mikey and Leo: What?!! No!!  
  
Donnie: Too late dude! Deal's been sealed ... _(puts on a thinking expression)_ and there's no such word as 'problemless', Jerry  
  
Jerry: _(Ignoring Donnie_) And for April, we decided you could help Donnie out Ok?  
  
_(April nods - Jerry turns and looks at the camera)._  
  
Jerry: Our next episode will take place in the turtle's lair so we can see how they progress, until next time folks, goodnight!  
  
_(Audience clap - music is played - end of the show_).  
  
**AN**: This was written by tmntluver and I brainstormed with her - hope you enjoy!


	3. Day One!

**Jerry Springer  
**  
**DAY ONE**  
  
_(First day to begin the deal. In the lair. Cameras are watching. Note: Splinter has been taken to April's apartment until this is over)  
_  
_( We see Mikey in his room, laying on the bed talking to himself_)  
  
Mikey: Okay..so..this'll be easy as pie - pie?! Doh, I mean cake! Yes.cake, heh, cake...okay...no pizza thoughts! Keep mind clear _(He breathes in deeply, and out, and in and out)_ ARH! Nonono, gotta keep my head...okay, find something to do . . . . _(Brings out game boy. Starts to play 'ninja turtles 3'.)_ Yay, take that evil dude! Hehe, on no. My life bars are down . . . Oh wow, a pizza . . . P-p-pizza!! No! Think mouldy cheese, mouldy cheese - on - pizza!!! NOOO! _(Starts to bang head on bed post_)  
  
(_Donnie walks in)  
_  
Donnie: Hey Mikey how's it going?  
  
Mikey: Help me dude! I need pizza! I can't stop thinking about it!!! Just lemme go out and get one please -  
  
Donnie: No.  
  
Mikey: - Please, I'll pay for it with my own money! I swear! I won't ever put treacle on you keyboard keys again! Just please!!! Give me pizza!  
  
Donnie: No.  
  
Mikey: PLEASE!  
  
Donnie: No.  
  
Mikey: Please!  
  
Donnie: Nope!  
  
Mikey: Please?  
  
Donnie: No way. Forget it.  
  
_(Mikey stares, thinks and continues to bang head on bedpost)  
_  
(_Donnie walks out and into the main area. The camera follows him. We see Leo in the kitchen leaning on the counter with a coke in hand. Mikey's bangs can still be heard.)_  
  
Donnie: Hey, Leo. How's it going?  
  
Leo: Ah, this is a sitch. I mean, I'm not the one who has to fight all the time. I don't start any of it. That's Raph. I just tell him to calm down and he throws the first punch.  
  
(_Noises like something ripping and ruffling make Leo and Donnie look up to see Raph walking out of Leo's room ((unaware of them)) with a few ripped up magazines, the kind that look like a collector's set.)_  
  
Leo: _(realises they were his valuable collection_) NO!!! Raph you are so gonna get it!!! _(Leo makes towards Raph, but Donnie grabs him_)  
  
Donnie: At ah. Remember the deal, Leo.  
  
_(Leo looks back at Raph and his mags then storms off)_  
  
Donnie: _(looking at the cam_era) And he says HE doesn't start fights!  
  
(_Cameras follow Donnie as he goes over to the couch and sits down next to Raph_)  
  
Donnie: 'Sup, Raph?  
  
Raph: (_still reading mags)_ Can you believe that guy!? He buys shi -  
  
Donnie: Raph! No bad language on TV.  
  
Raph: (_Didn't even hear his brother_) - like this and says that it's valuable! It's shi -  
  
(_Donnie coughs loudly)  
_  
Raph: - I mean, who reads this? You got a bad cough there Donnie.  
  
Donnie: Yes, I know. (_Wonders if the deal of no fighting at all means that he might be able to slip a strangle in.)_ So, you seem to be doing really well. You're not bothered that you can't fight Leo?  
  
Raph: Ah, I realized he's not worth risking a punching bag over. I mean, sure, I'd love to smash his face in. But I can control myself just long enough . . . You know, too long and I go whacko. But I can keep my fists to myself and - oh God! Where is he! I NEED to punch him really bad! _(Starts to growl and breath heavy. He's staring at the floor, trying to stop_)  
  
(_Donnie nervously moves away and goes to see what Mikey's up to. The banging had stopped. He walks in the room and finds Mikey unconscious on his bed, tongue hanging out)_  
  
Donnie: Mikey . . . _(Goes into the kitchen, fills bowl full of ice cold water, brings it back and throws it over Mikey)_  
  
Mikey: Pizza . . . (_Opens eyes)_ Man that's cold! Ow, my head hurts.  
  
Donnie: Well what do you expect? You banged yourself silly.  
  
Mikey: Are the two days over? Can I have pizza?!  
  
Donnie: Mikey, about five minutes is over. No you cannot have pizza.  
  
Mikey: Please! I promise never to poke humans with your Bo through the sewer grates again! And I won't use it as a feather duster! Please! (_Gets down on the floor on his knees_) Please! I'm - begging - you!  
  
Donnie: (_sighs_) Want some popcorn? I can get you some popcorn. But no PIZZA! So friggin' well stop asking!  
  
Mikey: _(timid voice_) ok . . .  
  
(_Donnie walks out to the kitchen, camera follows, but Don stops as he sees what Raph is doing. His brother is on the floors. A pillow is in front of him and he is just finishing painting it green with a blue bandanna. He then pounces on it and start to rip it to shreds. Donnie walks over and takes pillow from him)_  
  
Donnie: I think this is cheating Raph.  
  
Raph: Damn . . . But just lemme rip out his eyes?  
  
Donnie: No!  
  
Raph: Can I rip yours out?  
  
(_Donnie throws back the pillow_)  
  
Donnie: Erm, rip his out instead.  
  
(_Raph starts to rip the painted eyes out. Feathers are everywhere)  
_  
_(Leo walks in)_  
  
Leo: What the hell is he doing?!  
  
Donnie: (_Guides Leo away)_ Just ripping your eyes out - soooo . . . Want some popcorn?  
  
(_We now go to the studio where the audience and Jerry are watching a TV with them on. Jerry turns to the camera_)  
  
Jerry: So! Well, that was an interesting day. I think we should leave it there. Things may get a bit disastrous later on in the day. But can they do it? Two more days to go and Mikey's already beating himself stupid; Raph's shredding an innocent pillow and Leo, um, well, he did try to start a fight and left. We will get back to this tomorrow to see if they can handle it. Personally, I don't think they can. No way, these guys are losers.  
  
(_Commotion on screen makes Jerry and the audience turn back to it. Leo, Raph and Mikey are all beating up the screen and the camera people, shouting unpleasant and very bad language at Jerry)_  
  
**AN:** Sorry this one took ages. Hope you like


	4. Day Two!

**Jerry Springer**  
  
**DAY TWO**  
  
_(Mikey is screaming and has been doing for a while now. Raph has been ripping up every pillow he can get hold of so Donnie hid the last few, feathers are everywhere; and Leo has been busy trying to repair his magazines, completely ignoring Raph, or trying to)_  
  
Donnie: MIKEY SHUT THE HELL UP!  
  
(_Mikey's screams continue though, but stomping can be heard going into his room and a very hard, nasty thud made the screams stop. Donnie look up. Raph strolled out, dusting his hands_)  
  
Donnie: Raph . . . You didn't . . .?  
  
Raph: Sure I did!  
  
Donnie: Jerry said NO fighting, and punching is classified as that I think.  
  
Raph: _(looking worried_) Well, did they get it on camera?  
  
Donnie: (_looks at camera pointing to them_) No.  
  
Raph: Then I didn't do anything.  
  
(_Leo walked in and saw Raph. Raph saw Leo. They stood there staring at each other. Hands flexing, eyes unblinking, staring at the others'. A small wind blew a crisp packet across in- between them. The cowboy music was heard in the background. Small sparks ignited between Leo and Raph)_  
  
Donnie: Alright KNOCK IT OFF! Turn that damn music off! This ain't no western sewer you know! And turn that wind machine off! What are you making here? A western movie! Leo put down that knife! Raph . . . Stay!  
  
(_Crew people rush on and off screen, wheeling the wind machine off and the music box. Then the sewers where just them and the cameras again)_  
  
_(Leo slowly put down the knife and continued to stare at Raph. Donnie rushed over and pulled Leo out the room and into the dojo.)_  
  
Donnie: Leo, why don't you stay here and practise. Okay?  
  
(_Leo nods and Donnie goes back into the main area. Raph is still where he was stood. Donnie goes to Mikey's room_)  
  
Donnie: (_shaking Mikey away)_ Mikey? Mikey . . . Wake up . . . MIKEYWAKEUP!  
  
(_Mikey's eyes open and he smiles insanely. He has a very nasty bruise on his check)_  
  
Mikey: But Splinter, I didn't drink the sewer water, that was Leo.  
  
Donnie: (_frowns_) Eh? Mikey, snap outta it. (_Slaps Mikey round the face_)  
  
Mikey: Ow! That's not nice. What kind of a brother slaps his brother round the face?  
  
Donnie: A lot better than the one that punches!  
  
Mikey: Wha?  
  
Donnie: Never mind. How are you feeling?  
  
Mikey: I'm hungry. I want some pasta!  
  
Donnie: (_frowns again_) You . . . You want pasta? . . . Not Pizza?  
  
Mikey: No way! Pasta yes! Pizza no! Who east pizza after they've woken up?  
  
(_Donnie stare and the slaps himself round the face)_  
  
Donnie: (_high voice_) Okay Mikey, (_coughs and regains normal voice_) I'll get you some piz - er - pasta.  
  
Mikey: Thanks Don ma man!  
  
(_They both go into the kitchen. Donnie sits Mikey down where he can keep an eye on him. Don starts to make pasta but a noise from the dojo area makes him look up)  
_  
Donnie: Oh no . . . I hope they haven't . . .  
  
(_Donnie rushes into the main area. Raph is STILL where Donnie left him, stood still. Donnie makes his way to the dojo and finds Leo trying to slice the walls, all had a red paint strip on them with two eye holes. Obviously Raph's bandanna)._  
  
Donnie: Leo . . .  
  
_(Leo stops)_  
  
Leo: Hi Donnie. Wanna help me finish off these walls? They really do need to be taken care of, really badly. They get on my nerves so much . . . I mean, what kind of wall just does nothing!? Totally useless! They need to be sliced! (_Sliced at the wall with his Katana)_ - and slashed! (_Slashes wall_) and beaten into a bricky pulp!!!  
  
(_Donnie takes Katana from Leo and tells him to do twenty flips, back and forward ones. Donnie then turns to the camera)  
_  
Donnie: I think this deal is driving my brothers crazy. But they have never given up so I'm only half confident they might make it till tomorrow night. Oh, and, always stand by with medics and ambulances. I really don't think I'll come out of this whole either.  
  
(_Donnie makes his way to the main area. Raph is dancing on his tiptoes in the same place he had been in for the last ten minutes_)  
  
Donnie: (_Dismissively_) Yes Raph, you may go to the bathroom.  
  
(_Raph bolts out of the room and Donnie walks into the kitchen to find Mikey scoffing the bag of uncooked pasta)  
_  
Donnie: Mikey!  
  
(_Mikey looks up from the bag, pasta whirls sticking from his mouth)  
_  
Mikey: Whut?  
  
Donnie: Mikey you're meant to wait until I've COOKED the pasta! (_Grabs the bag from Mikey_) Go to your room! (_points)_  
  
(_Mikey sulks off and Donnie cleans up on the floor_)  
  
(_April walks in_)  
  
April: Hey, how you guys doing?  
  
Donnie: Help me April! I think I'm going to go mad! My brothers already have!  
  
April: Whoa. Hey, you? Go mad? These guys can't be that bad . . .  
  
(_Half an hour later . . .)_  
  
April: MIKEY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SHUT UP! ARH! I think . . . I'm going mad!  
  
Donnie: (_from behind newspaper_) Join the club.  
  
(_Raph runs into the room_)  
  
Raph: April! April, can you go up top and get me a dummy and some paint and some darts?!  
  
April: (_frowning_) What do you want those for?  
  
Raph: I wanna paint the dummy, to look like Leo, then throw the darts at it, then throw my Sais, then I'm gonna throw myself at it, then rip it to shreds, then -!!  
  
April: Raph! (_As though taking to a dog_) Stopppp . . . Now, go and run up and down the sewers for an hour.  
  
(_Raph stares at her)  
_  
April: GO!  
  
(_Raph scrambles for the door and disappears. His feet can be heard fading, fading, then gone. April sighs and she and Donnie sit back down. A few minutes later running feet get louder, then they pass, minutes after that they come back, then pass; after the fourth time April gets up and stands directly in the middle of the sewers, holding out a hand to Raph, who is running towards her_)  
  
April: STOP!!  
  
(_Raph stops inches from her hand_)  
  
April: Good, now, go in and sit down on the couch. (_she watches as he walks in through the door. A few seconds later she hears Donnie_ -)  
  
Donnie: Ow! Not on me!  
  
(_April sighs and walks back in. Raph's sat twiddling his thumbs, leant forward on his knees staring at the blank TV screen_)  
  
(_Leo walks in, with his magazines in his hand and some sellotape. He sees Raph, who is still staring, and struggles with an invisible force to go over and pulverize him. The magazine are crumpled to shreds in his grip and the roll of sellotape is flattened. Leo manages to make it out on his hands and knees. No one notices)  
_  
(_Voice come from Mikey's room_)  
  
Mikey: Pasta . . . Paaassttaaaaa!  
  
April: (_to Donnie_) If this is what they're like by the end of the second day, I don't wanna know what it's like tomorrow!  
  
(_Jerry turns back from the screen to the cameras_)  
  
Jerry: Whoa. Never seen this kind of reaction before. We have Mikey, who has gone completely mad and has adopted pasta as he favourite food now, notice it still begins with a 'P'. We have Leo who is doing his very best to avoid Raph, even if it means ruining his own valuable collection of crappy magazines - what was that?  
  
(_Voice off screen says something to Jerry)  
  
_Jerry: What do you mean I can't swear on my own god damn show?! Oh, okay, et hem. So . . . Then we have Raph, who seems to try and beat up anything that looks like Leo, and if he can't find anything, makes one. Then there's poor Donnie in the middle of it all. He's coping, and so is April. Well . . . Tomorrow is the last day folks, can the hold out for just one more day? Let's hope so . . . Bet they wont, (_cough)_ so, goodnight and get ready for the surprises of the Third Day!  
  
**AN: **Third day coming soon! Sorry these have been slow. Thanks for the reviews


	5. Day Three!

**Jerry Springer  
**  
**DAY THREE**  
  
(_The last day. Cameras and cameramen are still filming, but the lair is quiet today. The camera went into the main area to find them all sat, April too, quietly on the couch, or for Mikey, in Splinter's armchair. The TV was on and all eyes were on it, but none looked as though they were actually watching it).  
_  
Donnie: (_noticing the cameras amazement_) They completely lost it. But they still haven't broken the deal.  
  
April: Yeah, they won't move, eat, sleep or do anything. Splinter would have a shock at this.  
  
(_Leo was sat in the armchair, sat back with his arms on the chair arms, staring at the TV. A blank expression on his face. Mikey and Raph were sat on the ends of the couch, both were leant forward, resting their arms on their knees, staring at the TV with similar expressions of nothing._)  
  
Donnie: (_unfolding newspaper_) It's really quite nice, but now that they've completely gone gaa gaa in the head they take some looking after.  
  
April: Yeah, it's like having my very own mutant turtles to look after. I have no idea what will happen when they win though. They might stay like this, which can get sad after a while.  
  
Donnie: (_thinking_) Um, but think of it this way: We won't have no pranks from Mikey, no lectures and orders from Leo and no growling and tantrums from Raph. It could be a peaceful, relaxing life . . . (_Dreamy expression on face_).  
  
(_A beep from somewhere made him snap out of it. He looked at his watch, under his wrist strap, and closed the paper_)  
  
Donnie: Lunchtime. (_looks at camera_) We have to spoon-feed 'em. They won't eat otherwise, heh.  
  
(_April and Donnie go into kitchen and sort out the food)  
_  
Donnie: Okay, so the pasta is Mikey's, make sure he has plenty of cheese, Leo has the porridge, yeah I know it's a breakfast cereal but he likes it, and Raph has soup. I dunno what he likes so just give 'im soup.  
  
(_They walk back into the room and nearly drop the food bowls. Leo, Raph and Mikey were all now acting normal. Leo had picked up the newspaper and was reading it, Raph and Mikey were arguing about something and pointing to the TV. They looked up when Donnie and April came in)_  
  
Leo: Ah, thanks guys, I was hungry. (_Takes porridge from Donnie_)  
  
Donnie: . . . You're . . . Welcome . . .  
  
April: Is this normal? I mean, should they be normal? A minute ago they had lost it.  
  
Donnie: Er . . . I have no idea but they seem to be fine, don't mention anything. (_he handed Mikey his pasta)  
_  
Mikey: Thanks Donnie. You know, apart from pizza, pasta is the next best thing.  
  
Donnie: (_frowning_) Yeah . . . Ain't it . . .?  
  
(_April hands Raph his soup and spoon)_  
  
Raph: Thanks Ape, so, as I was saying Mikey, the guy is gay, you gotta admit! (_Forgets spoon and drinks soup from the bowl).  
_  
April: Okay, this is weirding me out . . .  
  
Donnie: (_staring_) . . . Me too . . . (_clears throat_) Er, guys. Do you have any idea why you're here?  
  
Mikey: Yeah, we're keeping our deal. If I can stop thinking and eating pizza, then at the end of the day I get a lifetime supple of 'em.  
  
Raph: Yeah, and if me and Leo can stop fighting then we get a punch bag each.(_Looks at Leo_) I'm looking forward to punching my punch bag more than you can punch yours!  
  
Leo: Yeah right, I'm gunna punch my punch bag so hard your punch bag is gunna wish it was my punch bag, which your punch bag WILL because after I punch my punch bag so hard I won't have a punch bag, and your punch bag will be the only punch bag we have.  
  
(_April and Donnie looked totally blown away at this, but Mikey and Raph grinned_)  
  
Raph: Yeah right. I can punch my punch bag harder than I can punch you and your punch bag together.  
  
Donnie: I think they're still a little messed up . . .  
  
Mikey: Hey, Donnie, Ape, ain't you eating?  
  
Donnie: No thanks, Mike.  
  
Leo: (_still arguing with Raph_) Ooo, well, we'll have a contest after this to see who can punch their punch bag the longest. I'll win by a mile!  
  
Raph: Yeah right! And any way, I have to punch YOU after this just to get this whole ordeal outta my system.  
  
Leo: Okay, a punching contest, then a punching punch bag contest.  
  
Raph: You're on!  
  
Leo: Deal!  
  
Donnie: Oh, no more deals! I thought this was gunna be easy since I had nothing to do except watch, but now it's turned out worse for me than it has for them!  
  
Mikey: Hey, what can we do to pass time?!  
  
Leo: Erm, let's play Frisbee or Monopoly?  
  
Mikey and Raph: Monopoly!  
  
(_A few minutes later they were set up with the board game on the floor of the main area_)  
  
Mikey: Okay, I'm dog.  
  
Leo: Boat.  
  
Raph: Hat, hey Donnie, April, you playing?  
  
Donnie: Definitely, anything to pass time! I'm boot.  
  
April: Sure, why not . . . I'm iron then.  
  
(_A few minutes into the game)_  
  
Donnie: (_whispers to April_) This is really spooky. Leo isn't bossing everyone around and brandishing the instructions and rule booklet at everyone; Mikey isn't joking and cheating; and Raph is . . . Well, playing. This is really weird!  
  
(_April chuckled and the game ended an hour and a half later. Mikey put the game away and they all sat back on the couch or armchair and watched a film. 'Twister' was on so they watched that_).  
  
(_Back at the studio . . .)_  
  
Jerry: (_turning from the screen_) Shouldn't they be mad by now? This is too normal for these guys. Let's ask a little teaser in there shall we . . .? (_grins evilly)_  
  
Voice from offset: Sir, that's not part of the deal -  
  
Jerry: Shuddit! Fool! Okay, Send the pizza man over. Let's see how little Mikey gets along with it . . . (_Grins)_  
  
(_They all looked up from their film to a knock on the lair door. Mikey gets up to see who it is. He opens the door and is handed a box, the owner runs off to collect his money_)  
  
Mikey: (_Bringing in box and seeing the writing on it_) Hey, dudes, who wants this pizza? Some guy gave it to me, but I don't wannit.  
  
Donnie: (_Takes box_) Good boy Mikey. Shame to waste, Who wants some?  
  
Raph and Leo: No.  
  
April: Sure.  
  
(_April and Donnie share the pizza, Mikey isn't at all stirred up about it. He sits watching the TV as though there was no pizza)  
_  
Jerry: Damn! He's not meant to do that. Send something else for the other two, like, er -  
  
Voice offset: Sorry sir, the day is up. They get their pizza and punch bags.  
  
(_Jerry looks at him, the man shuts up_)  
  
(_The door to the studio bangs open and the turtles and April walk in, triumphant smiles on their faces_)  
  
Mikey: Okay dude! Three days are up! We got through it! We've come for our share of the deal!  
  
Jerry: Okay guys, your pizza supply has been directed to your house and so have your punch bags. But we saved one pizza here for you Mikey, and you two can fight each other, just don't harm the audience.  
  
(_Donnie noticed the audience and Jerry were grinning, as though they were keeping something_).  
  
(_Jerry handed Mikey the pizza box and Mikey took the pizza out, it was half way to his mouth when Donnie yelled_)  
  
Donnie: No! Wait! Don't eat that! Leo, Raph don't touch each other! Time's not up yet and he had fooled you. It has only been exactly two days, twenty three hours and fifty nine minutes since we made that deal! It's not over yet -(_looks at watch_) -Well, now it is . . . Hehe.  
  
Jerry: Well, Donnie, you really are the smart one aren't you? Yes, we nearly had you. Mikey, you nearly ate that pizza before the time, but your smart brother stopped you. The deal's out done. I congratulate you for three days of it. Well done. Now piss off, we got someone else coming on we want to torture!  
  
(_Leo, Donnie, Raph and Mikey grinned happily and made towards the exit, but Raph stopped_)  
  
Leo: Raph, c'mon.  
  
Raph: One thing to do before I leave. (_He walks casually up to Jerry, who watches warily, then Raph lunges out and catches Jerry in a certain area even he cringed. Jerry doubled over and clutched his groin area. Raph ran back to the others grinning. They slapped him a high three and disappeared from the studio, going back to their sewer home where a life time supply of pizza were waiting and two punch bags. Mikey soon cut the 'life time' limit down to a month's supply!)_  
  
Raph: Hey, Leo . . .  
  
Leo: Yeah?  
  
_PUNCH_  
  
**END!**  
  
**AN: **Okay, it got silly, but I had fun! Thank you to those who read and reviewed


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